Hi all. Sorry it has been a while but with the holidays and everything I just got swept away. But lately my schedule has been a little more relaxed and since I lost my voice last week I have spent a lot of solitary time and one thing that kept popping up in my mind lately is how much things have changed in a year.
In just over a month and a half it will be the year anniversary of me moving out on my own (how crazy is that?!). But it was around this time that was one of the hardest times of my life. I would drive home everyday just crying out of tiredness out of hurt out of frustration or stress. I was beyond overwhelmed with relationships changing, stress from doing my masters, and a job that was taking a lot out of me both physically and mentally. When I look at pictures of myself a year ago I see a girl with a fake smile because I was trying to do everything and be everything I thought everybody needed me to be. So then I began thinking how did I go from this very dark place to where I am now?
Well one thing that popped into my mind is I always used to say you cannot invest in others unless you invest in yourself first and love yourself first. So here I was in this dark place and I decide to look into apartments (craziest idea at the time since I was so overwhelmed). I really do not know why I all of a sudden got this burning desire and it happened really quickly actually. So here I am moving out on my own (investment in myself #1). Then I just so happened to move into a place that has a hot yoga studio 500 feet away (investment #2). Then I switch grade levels because we all know I fell in love with teaching upper grade back in my student teaching days and I always wanted to go back to doing that (investment #3). Then all of a sudden my mom calls me one Sunday and tells me about cat adoption at the Petsmart and within hours I am now a cat momma (investment #4).
Thinking of all of this has made me realize just how true it is that you have to love yourself before you can invest in others. As soon as I started loving myself I started seeing my relationships change and new relationships emerge. Because how can you love and give joy if you do not love and feel joy within yourself? Now when I wake up and look in the mirror every morning I see a woman who is excited for the day. Who is ready to break a piece of her heart to give to others and to shine some joy so that others can feel that same sense of joy.
(Bottomline my friends wherever you are on this journey in life just keep pushing on. If you are in a dark place just know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and everything will come full circle and you will sa y ah now I see what you were doing there God.
In just over a month and a half it will be the year anniversary of me moving out on my own (how crazy is that?!). But it was around this time that was one of the hardest times of my life. I would drive home everyday just crying out of tiredness out of hurt out of frustration or stress. I was beyond overwhelmed with relationships changing, stress from doing my masters, and a job that was taking a lot out of me both physically and mentally. When I look at pictures of myself a year ago I see a girl with a fake smile because I was trying to do everything and be everything I thought everybody needed me to be. So then I began thinking how did I go from this very dark place to where I am now?
Well one thing that popped into my mind is I always used to say you cannot invest in others unless you invest in yourself first and love yourself first. So here I was in this dark place and I decide to look into apartments (craziest idea at the time since I was so overwhelmed). I really do not know why I all of a sudden got this burning desire and it happened really quickly actually. So here I am moving out on my own (investment in myself #1). Then I just so happened to move into a place that has a hot yoga studio 500 feet away (investment #2). Then I switch grade levels because we all know I fell in love with teaching upper grade back in my student teaching days and I always wanted to go back to doing that (investment #3). Then all of a sudden my mom calls me one Sunday and tells me about cat adoption at the Petsmart and within hours I am now a cat momma (investment #4).
Thinking of all of this has made me realize just how true it is that you have to love yourself before you can invest in others. As soon as I started loving myself I started seeing my relationships change and new relationships emerge. Because how can you love and give joy if you do not love and feel joy within yourself? Now when I wake up and look in the mirror every morning I see a woman who is excited for the day. Who is ready to break a piece of her heart to give to others and to shine some joy so that others can feel that same sense of joy.
(Bottomline my friends wherever you are on this journey in life just keep pushing on. If you are in a dark place just know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and everything will come full circle and you will sa y ah now I see what you were doing there God.
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