Joy In The Midst of Struggles

Yesterday I uploaded some photos on to Facebook and I noticed that the album for 2017 was titled 2017: i choose JOY. I couldn't help but laugh because this year was everything but that. If I'm honest, I did not really enjoy 2017. 2017 was one of the hardest years I have had in a while and I will be glad to put this year away. 2017 involved a lot of tears shed, from relationship dynamics changing, to rejection, to not knowing if I was following God's calling, to my current struggle of having a challenging class plus going through my masters. I look back and I remember my journey leading up to going to Kenya. There were so many moments where I sat there and thought maybe I misread God's calling. Maybe I have too much on my plate and I can't put my all in to this trip but God provided and filled my doubts with answers that I definitely was supposed to go to Kenya and it gave me an experience to reach the broken disabled population over there and to experience God'

Last night when I got home I happened to turn on the show 20/20 and they were doing a special on "the Good Doctor" which is a TV show about a doctor who has autism and is successful. They then showed real life doctors who have disabilities. They did a segment on a doctor who has Cerebral Palsy who walks exactly like me and almost mirrors myself. I was immediately filled with emotions because I never meet individuals like me so to see someone like me and who has the same feelings about life as I do is incredible. Let me tell you.. He applied to 12 different medical schools and got denied even though he was very much so qualified. Just like me I interviewed for 14 jobs before I got my current job. He said a lot of the medical schools didn't let him in because of his disability which is exactly how I felt when interviewing for a job. His doctors growing up told him he would never walk and would not be able to have a career, which is exactly what the doctors told my par

I don't know where your life is or where your heart is at but these last few months have been hard.. It has been filled with a lot of challenges and ups and downs. Sometimes you think you are ready for something and then you dive in realizing you are drowning and doing the doggy paddle just to survive. You wake up everyday and look in the mirror and see those terrible under eye bags and think will these ever go away? But I wanted to write this post about a few things that have happened lately. About a month ago when I wrote that posting about words really do hurt I was already struggling and when that happened I just broke. It was hard for me to stay positive and I was dragging getting up in the morning. Well, that night I got home and I was scrolling through my instagram and I came across a post that said God is sending help. Don't worry. Hold on. I remember thinking okay okay yeah God I have been asking you to help with this situation for the last two months. I am