Joy In The Midst of Struggles

Through the past 3 years or so every once in a while i get a person who comes up to me and either wants to pray over me to heal me or gives me advice on how to heal myself. this is a very frustrating  situation. in all of the cases it is someone who does not truly know me or flat out random. i will explain the first time and the most recent time and then my overall thoughts the first time this happened i was walking on APU campus and this guy came up to me saying that he has seen me around and it looks like i need healing. he then prayed for me asking the Lord to heal me. i was not as strong in my faith or my disability at that time so i let him pray. when he ended the prayer he looked at me and watched me walk away thinking that i should be healed and 'normal'. i was very shaken up by it and just did not know what to think this last week i met with a yoga instructor for a one on one. she told me that i can heal myself through this and God gave us resources like using yo

God is working so much through this blog and conversations that i am just amazed. my prayer and hope for this blog is to make people more aware and not be afraid to have conversations about having a disability and it is so wonderful to see how it is moving. i wanted to write about 3 conversations that have occurred in the last few days. last week as i was driving my friend back to east campus she asked me about how hard it was to be able to get my license and want problems occurred. first i was so happy she asked this because people tend to be curious but are afraid to ask. i told her it was definitely a battle. when i first started the process people judged me a lot and didnt even give me a chance to prove that i could drive. i mean there was a time a person didnt even want me to take the written permit test. that was in high school and i felt that it wasnt the right time to learn how to drive and maybe i needed to grow in myself more. therefore i didnt start back up learning to dri

It is so interesting to me how great of conversations and insights i learned. First, i want to talk about my psych class. my professor wanted to know why we chose the profession we are in. i began to explain how i can connect with others who have a disability because obviously i have one. i was proud of myself for saying that because it showed me how much i have grown in my confidence of having a disability. a while ago i would not have mentioned my disability at all. i think it is because i have realized how important it is for me to mention so people understand i am not afraid to talk aout it and also those conversations need to happen. i talked in the beginning and maybe it was just me but i felt like more people were being more personal in their response. maybe because i was but it almost brought me to tears hearing how open people were. Second, my math teacher came up to me after class and asked me if bringing my computer to take notes would be better. i was super excited that s

The first day of school is always one that makes me anxious and nervous like most people. But i think i have different reasons. For me i wonder what the teachers reaction is going to be. there are so many times where i get different reactions. sometimes i have the best teachers who come up to me and ask me what they need to do to help me in the classroom. sometimes i have the teachers that think i am mentally handicapped. and some just do not know what to do and are afraid to say anything because they think they will hurt my feelings. what teachers do not realize is i would rather have  them come up to me and have a conversation to understand what exactly i have and what i need.  i will not be offended because by you coming up to me shows me that you care about my needs and want the best for me. in high school it was rare for a teacher to come up to me and ask me questions. i always had to send out an email to all of my teachers stating what my disability is and that i need to have a

Today was my last day working with special needs at Sunday school. It was such a God thing that I had the opportunity to work there. it gave me the reassurance of my passion to work with special needs and become a teacher. my heart hurts from having to say see you later to the workers and the kids. especially after a day like today. There is a boy with autism that i work with. he is non-verbal and takes a while to warm up to you. today i felt our bond become so strong. he listened to me when i told him it was snack time and he had to come sit by me at the table. we have been working with him to say please when giving us the snack so we can open it for him. today he said please both times to me. it brings tears to my eyes even thinking about it become it showed me how much God is assuring me that ii can do this profession. then throughout the course of the time he would listen to me and i could calm him down if he had a frustration. he would give me his amazing smile or hold my hand.