Joy In The Midst of Struggles

I don't think anyone or anything can prepare you for your first year of teaching. So many people like to think teaching is such a sweet and fun career (which it is!!!) but they don't realize the amount of work that each teacher puts into their kids and their classroom. This is quite possibly the hardest  thing I have ever done. I spend 10 hour days at my school and I feel like I am never satisfied because there is always more to be done. I go to trainings and sit there overwhelmed because I want to do all of the materials they give me but don't know how to implement it. So many things but not enough hours or energy to do it. Some days I feel like a failure as a teacher because I always feel like I could be doing more. I look at other teachers and see all they are doing and how wonderful their classroom is and I just feel like I can never be as good as them. I'm not doing near as much amazing things as other teachers. My mind just races everyday with the things I shou

It's funny to me when I think about my life and the journey of becoming a special education teacher. I used to always say "Oh I could never be a kindergarten teacher.They are just too tiny for me". Welp in this world don't ever say never because look at where i am now... A kindergarten teacher. As I began to reflect on this thought I was pointed back to a few things that have happened over time. I remember when I studied abroad in South Africa. I worked with an organization that mentored teachers and worked with the youth in the area. My team got placed at a preschool. I didn't know how I would feel working with that little of kids but they ended up taking a piece of my heart. At the end of the journey, the leader of our team ended up saying that  my nickname should be "mom" because I cared for the little ones and my team in a mom like manner. So you may be thinking well how does that have to do with being a kinder teacher now?... Well this week I e

Just a little update on my life as a kindergarten teacher... I remember when I first decided I wanted to be a special education teacher and how I always said I wanted to create a classroom environment where the students help each other and no matter how different all of them are that we would support each  other. I have really been thinking lately about this aspect and how I think my classroom is this way. let me tell you why My classroom is filled with diverse needs of ten unique little kiddos. i have one with a physical disability, some that are loud, some that don't talk, some that run out of the classroom, and then you have me their teacher that has a physical disability. yes, this is a class that has so many different needs but yet there is such beauty and a sense of acceptance in my classroom. there was one day this week where i just sat there and relished in my beautiful classroom one of my students was helping one get his backpack on another was helping one speak wi

Wow I have finally had some time to sit down and write about this new chapter in my life. Even though it is my 4th week of teaching I still get the chills realizing that I am a special education teacher. My dream has come true and I couldn't being more tired but also more happier!! When I first accepted the Kindergarten position I thought oh gosh..kindergarten? I was so used to 5/6th grade and I don't even know what to do with Kindergarten but God sure did know what he was doing. The one beautiful thing about Kindergarten is the fact that they don't question my disability at all. From day one they accepted me with open arms and don't look at me as different. How amazing is that? The more time that has gone on the more I really do love Kindergarten. it is the age where they have such simple innocent minds and really want to learn. I love watching them grow from the first day I had them to now. The simple fact of holding a pencil correctly is a victory. Oh also they sur

Over these past few weeks I have been going on interviews to be a special education teacher. This is my dream. This is what I have been wanting to do my whole life. Yet on these interviews I just see them looking at me from the outside. Let me tell you it is hard I have yelled out in frustration Cried my eyes out in sadness Asked God why this is happening Thrown myself a pity party But you know what this week I have turned the corner and I have realized that all my life I have had to fight for myself and I have knocked down battle after battle in terms of my disability. I am a strong  person and I need to put on a shield of armor and go into each interview convincing them that I am worthy of a job. I have gotten this far in my journey to becoming a teacher and I cannot give up  now. So let me tell you why I am worthy of becoming a special education teacher. I know what it is like to live with a disability and to be different like my future students have to face Havi

Tonight is the last class of my credential program! Can you believe it? Where did the time go?? It feels like just yesterday I was sitting in anticipation waiting for my first grad school professor to walk through the door. I didn't know what to expect or what God had in store for the next 11 months. However, looking back now this day is bittersweet. The End In these last 11 months, I have learned what it takes to run an effective Special Education classroom. I have had some amazing professors that have taught me to believe in myself and to trust that God has called me to this profession. I have made some lasting friendships where they have supported me on the days I felt like giving up. I cannot wait to see these friends get their first job as a teacher and watch them become what we have all studied for. Additionally, in these last 11 months I was placed in my first elementary school that has grasped a piece of my heart. In that school it was where I became a teacher with t

Looking back on the last six months of this year it has been filled with the unknown, ups and downs, but has truly been the best six months of my life. I keep thinking back to that first week of student teaching and doubting myself about being able to teach a 5/6 grade SDC. I was so focused on the position of being an RSP teacher and that was all I wanted. Then i get placed in a SDC and i was like oh no i can't do this. Well boy oh boy am I glad I stuck it through and trusted the plans of the Lord. These students of mine have truly become my children. I mean how can they not be? you are with them from the crack of dawn into the afternoon. You are there for every struggle, melt down, happy moments, and moments where the light bulb goes off. These kids have accepted me and see me as any other teacher and I could not have asked for a better class. Additionally, I was able to sub other classes during this time and even those kiddos accepted me and treated me with the respect of any

The past two school days I have subbed a first and second grade class and boy is it a different experience but i loved it so much. Some of the students asked me "why do you talk funny?" I used to run away from this question and be like uhhh well...... However, now it shows me how much I have grown to accepting my disability and realize kids just accept me for who i am. so now the conversation goes like this: student: "you talk funny" me: "i know right" student: giggles...why? me: well i was born this way student: oh okay see one thing i have come to realize is that kids are just curious. they are not saying it to be mean but they are just curious. and once you explain to them then they take it and move on. simple as that. they just wanna know this same day there was a substitute aide in the classroom. I met her one time before and she told me an interesting thought. she was like "i just love how the kids accept you like anybody else and they

Friday night I went out to dinner with my parents. As I sat down in the booth I thought it would be like any other night out to dinner. Our waiter came and we ordered drinks. After I had given our waiter my ID then things change. I expected the typical "I will be right back with your drinks" instead I got, "it's Cerebral Palsy right?"  WAIT! What? Wasn't expecting that one. He then went on to say that he was a caregiver for a man that had severe Cerebral Palsy. The man couldn't talk but he had a device where he could type what he wanted to say with his forehead. As the waiter left my dad proceeded to ask me "isn't it nice for someone to just outright say it. I mean you know he was thinking it". The answer is YES!. It rarely  happens that someone just outright says it and I think that is why I was caught off guard. We tend to keep the obvious to a quiet. Like "I don't wanna say anything for fear of it offending her even thou

It's hard to believe that exactly one year ago I graduated college with a BA in Liberal Studies. It amazes me how fast time flies. However, you need those one year marks to reflect back on what has occurred in the past year. You tend to think about what you thought was going to happen to now having the reality of what really happened. What I thought was going to happen: Last year as I walked across that stage at graduation I was walking into the unknown. I had an idea of what was going to happen. I had been accepted into the Moderate/Severe Credential program at APU upon which I was going to start in the fall. I planned that over summer I would interview for a summer job or becoming an aide in a school. Key word: thought What actually happened: Yes, I applied for jobs just like I said, probably to about 30 jobs. I got one job offer but turned it down because it was not a good fit. I got plenty of job interviews but no job. However, through this whole summer long job process  

I decided I needed to get back to this blogging thing because doing this student teaching life i realize how much i am learning constantly every day about myself and about others. last week one of my students told me "my mom told me i need to look up to you because you are an inspiration" . hmmm there's that word again inspiration.  you know I've never realized how greatly that word is used around me until i was honored with the title of the most inspirational senior at my high school but the more i get called inspirational the more questions arise in my head: what exactly makes me inspirational? is it because i go through life with a disability? because if it is that then i don't know if i want to be called inspirational. according to the dictionary to inspire  is to fill someone with the urge or ability to do or feel something.  so then i tend to think to myself what exactly is it that i do or am to fill someone with the urge to do something because you

Hello strangers! I know its been a while since my last post and this is because I am so busy I don't have time to sit down and just write. So I wanted to catch you up on this whole student teaching experience... Do you ever have days where you think about what is going on in your life and how God showers his blessings over you? It is always my drive to and from school that I think about what my hopes for the day are and what the day turns out to be. Almost everyday my eyes get welled up with tears because i am in such awe of the blessing of being able to do what I want and having my dreams come true. in the beginning of this student teaching i did a lot of questioning. questioning if i was good enough, if the kids will ever like me, if i will end up hating this experience, etc. it makes me wonder why do i question God? He always provides and blows our expectations that i have learned more and more to not worry (whiich is really hard). sure some days these group of students pu

So its been a week and a half since i started student teaching and what an adventure it has been already! i am in a special day class with 5/6 grade. I knew going into this adventure that I would be tested and the students might question my disability but i didn't quite know how i would deal with it so.. here we go... a couple of weeks of ago i watched this movie called front of the class. it is about an individual's journey to being a teacher with tourettes. it showed that on the first day of class he addressed the tourettes, explained it to the class, and let the students ask questions. so i decided to do just that! i explained to the class about my disability. explaining that i have Cerebral Palsy and I am just like you but do things a little differently. additionally that they can help me if i am struggling their reactions were priceless... "i just have a feeling! we are all family" "ya thats fine" ( so sweet and matter of fact) did you live i