Joy In The Midst of Struggles

In the recent months I have noticed a shift on social media about how some individuals do not like the word "special needs" to label someone who has a "disability". They tend to argue why do we even have to label and my kids/own needs are not exactly special. I remember bringing this up to my mom when I first heard of the backlash and my mom said she argued that there is nothing wrong with that label because individuals with "disabilities" DO have special needs, which I agree. I see nothing wrong with the label "special needs" because we are truly special people. So what shall we call you?????? We certainly have come a long way as far as the label goes. I mean come on people used to call us retarded. So I am proud of the shift but here is my view of what I preferred to be called and what I call my students. We are DIFFERENTLY ABLED. Do you want to know why I prefer this term so much better than "special needs" or "individua

Hey There! I know it has been a while since I have chatted with all of you on here but between wedding season and holidays life has been rather chaotic. But I wanted to come on here and write about how my life has change since last Thanksgiving and all the goodness the Lord has showered me with. This year has been filled with A LOT of new so here we go... 1. A new adventure of moving out by myself! This one I think is the biggest because I knew I wanted to move out but I didn't know how it would happen and of course the Lord always lays out the perfect path and I am so in love with my little apartment and the person it has made me become. There is so much you learn about yourself when you are alone. I have learned to cook (let's be real very simple meals). I have learned how to pay bills and to never stop trying because you better keep working until you are able to open that bag of cheese because no one is around to help you open it. This new change has made me more com

Alright friends we all know I am very real on here so let me tell you about my real life and things I sometimes forget to talk about. This last weekend I was in Colorado for my best friend's bachelorette. I think I have told you all before that I take medication for my shakiness. I have to take pills three times a day (morning, afternoon, and night). Now let's be real sometimes I forget to take my afternoon pill and the last weekend I had forgotten to take my afternoon and night time medication. So here are the side effects...I become really shaky. So the following day the girls and I hit the downtown and got some coffee to warm us up. Well I think that I have already told you that carrying open drinks is not good. aka beware it will spill so if you combine that with not taking my meds...hot mess alert. The girls started walking and I tried to catch up but I was just spilling my coffee all over me (yeah these are my hot mess moments). But what was different about this one i

A few days ago someone asked me if i had ever questioned God? Boom thats a heavy question now isn't it? So I am going to give you a little bit of my faith journey. I was raised in the Lutheran church and went to private school my whole life. This was a blessing as I have known of our amazing Creator my whole life but that does not mean I never doubted Him or got angry with Him. I specifically remember a time in 5th grade where I was having a very difficult time accepting my disability. At that time I had a leg brace that went to from my foot to my knee because I was having issues with my right knee always turning in. I remember laying on the ground crying why God? Why do you have to give me this stupid disability? Why can't you just heal me and make me normal? I remember that moment the most because that was the angriest I ever was with God. It's like you see other people getting healed and God performing miracles and you are praying just as hard and your like what the

For those of you that follow me on Instagram or Facebook you have probably seen my yoga videos that I have been putting up. On the recent one I had a friend comment about how much she loved my openness and confidence. This really got me thinking about what a road I have been on to get me to where I am at today. Back when I was a senior in high school I got nominated the most inspirational senior. Now when you are nominated for this award you have to write a speech and make the speech in front of the whole school at an assembly. I remember when I first found out I started bawling. Like what? People think I'm inspiring? At that time I was NOT comfortable speaking about my disability. In fact I couldn't even read the speech my principal had to because I was a wreck and was far from confident in myself. Even halfway through college I was not comfortable mentioning my disability. It was like the BIG elephant in the room. It made me nervous and I thought people already see that I

Question from a reader: You possess the ability to navigate most physical challenges very well. To what or whom do you attribute your dexterity & ability? Well I have become this way through many many years and many many therapies. I will take you down this road. When my parents found out I had Cerebral Palsy they took me to CCS (California Child Services) which is a therapy service provided by the government until you reach the age of 21. I would go to physical and occupational therapy 3 times a week when I was in elementary school. Additionally, with this I had braces on my ankles to give more support to my ankles and legs. I continued with these ankle braces until I was in 8th grade where they declared them to be not necessary anymore because my ankles and legs were strong enough. In second grade I started going to therapeutic horseback riding aka hippo therapy. I did this until I was a  sophomore in high school. Horseback riding was such a blessing to my life because ye

Some of you have noticed my recent love of yoga and asked specifically how it helps me as a person with Cerebral Palsy so here goes a little background on me and a little lesson of why I chose yoga.  How I Got Into Yoga I started my yoga journey back in my senior year of college. My two roommates and I became members of a local gym that offered yoga classes. I had heard yoga was good for me so I decided to try it and fell in love with doing it and would go 3 times a week. It was something that I felt like I could do and made me feel stronger. Then I graduated and I joined LA fitness and would go to some of their yoga classes but I just couldn't really find a good instructor like I had in college and I wasn't as dedicated. Fast forward to April of this year. I decided to join CorePower yoga because it is in the same center as my apartment. Ever since that first hot yoga class I fell back in love with yoga and I felt like the teachers were genuine and really noticed who

I am not going to lie I am glad to have year 25 be over. Looking back I had a rough year filled with a lot of stress, a lot of letting people down, and a lot of tears. I thought going into my 3rd year of teaching that I would have a handle on things and I would be fine with doing my Masters. However, I got a very challenging class and doing my Masters was a lot more challenging then I had anticipated. I had many car rides home from work where I would just cry. I had many guilty moments of having to say no to going out with friends because I had homework to do. I just felt like I wasn't really myself this year. I also lost my dog who was my best friend and my go to girl through everything in life.  However, I do want to highlight some of the good things that year 25 brought. 1. I moved out on my own This was such a big decision and choice to move out by myself with no roommates but it was the best decision. I am so so happy I made this choice for it has taught me a lot about myse

Wow in the last week and a half was filled with 3 goodbyes and 1 of them was not expected. Bare with me as I have so many emotions about all of these goodbyes. 1. Goodbye to Kindergarten I have been preparing for this goodbye for the last 2 months. It is such a bittersweet goodbye. As I sat there on the last day of school I felt my eyes begin to fill with tears. Kindergarten is the grade I started this beautiful career of being a teacher. It has had so many ups and downs and I think about the 30 kiddos I have had in that classroom and how they have each impacted my heart. I remember when I got the phone call that I was hired to be a kindergarten teacher and thinking um what I have never even entered a kindergarten class before. It taught me that this teacher career is not just about academics but it is about how to teach kids to love and accept one another for their differences. I learned to look at life and appreciate it more of the simplicity that it offers and to encourage and co

I decided to take a little break from writing my Masters paper and write a little reflection about this school year. Here I am 4 days left of school (not Masters, work school). 4 days left of being a Kindergarten teacher. 4 days left of being in that little portable. When I say this year was hard I am not exaggerating. These were the hardest 10 months I have ever had in this life so far. I honestly do not think I have cried so much before. I have cried from exhaustion, frustration, sadness, and just cried because I did not know what else to do. I knew when I signed up for my Masters that it was going to be a challenge but combine that with a challenging class equals a rough time. It's where you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror to find the bags under your eyes even deeper. Where you drink more caffeine than you do water and you drink a Redbull at 5 pm and can still fall asleep at 10 pm because you are so exhausted. Where the question of how are you becomes almost

Hi friends! I know I know it has been quite a while since I last posted. You know sometimes life just swipes you away and you get caught up but I wanted to come on here and give you a little life update/what I have been learning. I don't even know how to put it but sometimes God gives you opportunities that you are afraid to take to say yes to but after you do you understand exactly why He presented it to you. Ever since I moved out I have found a new joy and a new me. I have found myself in moments where I should be dragging because I don't sleep (aka Masters life) but instead I am just pure  giddy and smiling. Because how are you ever going to grow or change if you don't grasp at the unknown? When I signed that lease for this apartment I had so many fears and thinking oh no what am i doing? But as I write this my eyes are filling up with tears because now I finally see someone who is capable and who is able to be independent. Living on my own was the one area of my li

Last week I had dinner with one of my best friends who has been through a lot of ups and downs of life with me. We were discussing about where our lives are at now and how at the age of 25 we have accomplished so much. Then I began to realize something. That I am at a point now just like the quote where I realize it is all happening. You know growing up I thought that I would be married at age 25. Well, that ain't happening but what is happening is freedom. You know those moments where you realize wow my God did have a plan that I never could imagine.  You see this whole living on my own at age 25 is exactly what I needed in my life. Because now I not only realized that I could have my dream career that I have been fighting for the last 10 years of my life but I can also live independently. Maybe thats why I thought I'd be married already because I thought I would have to have someone to depend on and help me in my life because surely I can't do everything on my own.

It's a special day because it is National Cerebral Palsy Awareness day! As I was driving home (to my new apartment..eek!) I started getting emotional thinking about how much I have accomplished as a person with CP. You know when I was younger I had no idea how my life would turn out. I didn't know any adults with CP or quite frankly I didn't know anyone else (young or old) who even had a similar case of CP. CP is a disability that does not have that much awareness which is why I created this blog so people can understand it more. I mean how many times do you go to the store or go to eat and see someone with a CP. It is so very rare. Therefore, I hope this day makes you "normal" people more aware and I hope it makes those with CP know that they are not alone! However, I did want to touch on what the Lord has enabled me to do. In fact as I am writing this blog the song came on saying "Our God is able". Oh man is that true. Here I am a 25 year old adult

Exciting news! I moved out to my very own apartment! Yes you heard that right I am living on my very own all by myself. I knew I wanted to move out this year but was planning to do it over summer when  I am on summer break (teacher perks) but you know sometimes God has a different plan. About a month ago my mom and I were on our way to a shopping mall and I have always admired these apartments that are on the way. All of a sudden my mom goes do you want to stop and go look at them. I said sure why not and we took a tour. Well my mom and I got into the car after and looked at each other and I just said it's the one. I really like it. The next day I went back and looked for the exact apartment I wanted and applied for the apartment. About 3 days later I got notified the apartment was mine! Like what?? This was extremely unexpected. Was I ready for this? I think sometimes we get scared to take a leap of faith. We hesitate, we doubt, we retract back to our comfort zone and go throu

Since it is CP awareness month I am going to try to be more intentional on opening your eyes to my world. Recently I got a question from someone that asked me so what do you usually need help with? Like do you do your own hair? Do you cook? So here we go... The Lord has truly blessed me to the fact that I am such an independent person living with CP. When this person asked me if I do my own hair it struck a soft spot because I remember being younger and wondering if I would be able to do my hair on my own. I absolutely can. I curl it, straighten it, do messy buns all of it. I do my makeup and everything. So you may be thinking okay okay what do you struggle with.. Buttons..especially those tiny ones. Oh boy they are a challenge but you know what is awesome they have this item called a button hook that I have used since I was five years old. It literally is the best adaptive tool and allows me to button any size button. Cutting.. Oh you want me to hold a fork and a knife to eat?

You know this month is CP awareness month so I thought it would be fitting to write about what I feel everyday..So here we go When you wake up and get out of bed and think man my leg muscles are tight. When you walk into a store and you get the looks. The looks of curiosity, looks of wow that girl sure walks different, looks that make you feel like you just don't fit in. When you go to pay and you are struggling getting that money or credit card out and you start to blush because you know that cashier or the person behind you is thinking "that poor girl". When you are asked to repeat yourself 2-3 times because that person can't understand you and you just want to say never mind. When you have to buy new shoes more often than normal because you ruined the toe part of your shoe or you have a hole on the bottom due to walking toe-heel instead of heel-toe. When you have to use adaptive tools like a button hook. When you can't open a water bottle or you spill your dr

Last night I watched the movie Wonder...Oh my lanta the whole time I had tears flowing down my face either from sadness or from beauty and I wanted to write about the story through my eyes. 1. When Auggie comes home from his first day and breaks down crying because the kids were mean and he says why do I have to look like this? Why am I ugly? I absolutely lost it because do you wanna know how many times growing up and even still I have posed this question of why? Why do I have to look so different on the outside? Why do I have to go through life like this? Why can't I be normal and like everybody else? 2. He brings up the topic of people staring and admits that if he saw someone like him he would stare to? Many of you know that staring is something that is a pet peeve of mine because I know I am different but why do you have to constantly stare at me? But then again I like Auggie's perspective because I would probably be curious and stare at a person like me as well...

Let's be real...Well actually I'm always honest on here. The last four months of life have been hard..real hard. There has been so many moments where I wanted to throw in the towel and just be done. There has been many mornings where I just did not want to get up. You know that feeling where you just have this gloomy cloud hanging over you and you just cannot shake it off. I look at pictures and see bags under my eyes and this smile where I know inside I am questioning why all of this is happening. I cannot tell you how many nights I went to sleep crying and talking with the Lord about why this is happening. Why have I been thrown all these things at one time? BUT what I am here to tell you is no matter how hard life is. No matter how many times you want to give up. No matter how deep the bags are under your eyes there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. There is always God there saying everything is going to be okay. I am finally at the end of that tunnel. Where I

When people tell you...you can't. When people judge you for your physical disability What do you do? Do you give up? Do you throw in the towel and say you're right? NO! You fight back.  You find your inner strength.  You become a warrior.  You become stronger than you think. You choose to breathe in your identity through the Lord. You choose to let those comments become your fuel. You say to yourself that you are capable You hear the Lord say "oh my dear you can" You remember you were given this disability to advocate for others You remember you are enough You are differently beautiful You know I thought the older I get the more numb I would be to when people judge me or say I can't but I don't think I will ever be able to handle those comments without a sting to the heart. So yes I might shed a few tears. Yes I may have to remind myself that I am different and that some people just may not understand.  You give yours

Today I was listening to a podcast called I'm Glad It Happened by Elevation Church and it sure was a sermon I needed to hear. In fact I was moved to tears for it targeted my life and my biggest struggle which is my disability. There are certain things he said that I wanted to discuss in my blog.  "I am glad for my weakness for it has made me strong" Hmm isn't that true. My disability has made me strong. I would not be the strong independent woman I am today if it weren't for my Cerebral Palsy. My weakness has given me fire to keep going and never give up no matter what others say. "I am talking about the thing people say sorry for. It happened for God's glory"... Oh my goodness does this reign relevant in my life. This happens to me quite often with new people I meet where they say oh I'm sorry you went through that or I'm sorry you have to live with a disability. That is one thing I just do not like. Don't say sorry this i

This past weekend I went with my family to the Grand Canyon. I was like a little 5 year old because I have always wanted to go and it would be a check off my bucket list. Well, you know the drive to see the Grand Canyon is about 5-6 hours so I had a lot of time to reflect and think about life. I was scrolling through all of my pictures and I came across this one and I just thought it reflected my life. Here we are..thousands of people come to this place to see a hole in the ground. To see rocks but why? The Grand Canyon is much like our life. We go through so many rocky challenges that are carved into us. We would not be who we are today without those rocks in our lives. Sometimes we are at the highest level and feel like life is going smooth like the plateaus in Grand Canyon and sometimes we are at the bottom drowning in the river and looking up at those rocks thinking how the heck am I going to get out of this river and reach the smooth rocks again. Wherever you are in this Gra