Joy In The Midst of Struggles

2013 was quite the interesting year to say the least. It was filled with a lot of laughter, tears, smiles, joy, transitions, new and old things. looking back at the beginning of this year i struggled a lot with transitioning back from South Africa. I definitely had reverse culture shock to say the least. it was overwhelming coming back to people i love and wanting to talk so much about Africa and them not really understanding (which is not at all their fault). i missed the carefree nature of being in Africa and the fact that people did not judge me but instead everywhere i went i felt comfortable and accepted because in Africa they do not care about the outside. they just care about the inside . i missed being with my family (of 50 people) and waking up everyday to see there faces. but i feel like wherever you go you leave part of your heart there for i definitely did that with Africa for there is not a day that goes by where i do not think about that country, the people, and the k

One thing that has been on my heart lately is how big of an impact a simple thing can have on someone. we go through this life with selfish intentions (not to put it to harshly) but i find it is true and i know i am at fault for it. its especially relevant during this Christmas season where you walk into a mall and your supposed to be finding a gift for someone but in the meantime of finding that gift people are rude to the workers, or in a hurry. people tend to forget what is the true point to all of this. it doesnt matter what the gift is, what matters is the heart of the person that gives the gift. i especially tend to forget that each day has value and what you say and do matters. i view myself as any other individual, "normal". i often forget i even have a disability. but i have moments of individuals telling me i have made an impact on their lives. now i am not trying to sound selfish here i just want to point out that we sometimes need those comments or a certain mo

As the semester ends i have been reflecting about how this semester has gone. first off, this semester has been one i was not expecting at all. it wasnt so hard academically as it was personally. this semester has been one fight for my rights after another and i felt like i never got a break. i have had teachers discriminate against me and thinking i was not as smart as i am, i have had disability services blame me for things,. recently i have had an issue with trying to get out of pe for pe here does not benefit me like yoga does. i have had a never ending struggle this semester and i am worn out. it gets hard to consistently have to fight for your rights and sometimes i can only handle so much. but at the same time my parents have reminded me that this is never going to end and i am going to have to fight for my rights for the rest of my life. i think the reason all of this is happening currently is because it is preparing me for when i do graduate next year and how i am going to f

Today my friend asked me a hard question. she knows i fully believe in inclusion and am a strong advocate for it. she asked me how i could be in a special ed classroom all day with kids with disabilities and does not have inclusion. for those of you who don't know i want to be a special ed teacher. i had to think about this question and this is what i said:' God has called me to this profession for a reason and it is simply to be an advocate for these children with disabilities. i don't know what school i am going to be teaching at but i know that if he calls me to a school where the kids get no interaction with gen ed students  then i am going to fight. God has given me this drive to fight for those who have disabilities just like i fight for myself. i will fight for my students to get to interact with gen ed students and get opportunities to be the best they can be. that is why our society is SO messed up!!!! people hide individuals with disabilities. they think that a

for those of you who don't know i teach a 5th grade class science on fridays. before entering this class i was nervous at how the kids would view me as a person with a disability. it was hard for me because i have not been in a classroom with kids this age. however it amazes me how much God has worked through this 5th grade class and how much he has reassured me of what i am supposed to be doing. i had a beautiful realization after this fridays visit. let me explain so this friday i originally couldnt go because of a meeting but this meeting was cancelled. so i showed up to class 5 minutes late. when i entered the room all of the kids said my name and were super excited i was there. this made me smile from ear to ear. these kids really love me. throughout the time kids would come up to me rather than the other teachers for help. i would joke with the kids, we had conversations about nicki minaj and one direction. but i think the best moment was when this quiet boy told me that if

Due to some circumstances i have encountered in this semester i have realized how important it is to stand up for your rights. it has been a struggle for me to decide whether to say something or not but throughout these situations i have realized it is extremely important to stand up. if you dont do it then who else will. majority of the time people do not stand up so if you dont then nothing can be changed or be accomplished. we live in a society where disabled individuals get stepped on and their voice is not heard. the Lord has put it on my heart to be one to stand up so that it can also benefit others. the things i have learned through this process is how when i do stand up for something that was not right the individual learns through their mistake and is actually grateful i did say something so they then know what to change and will not do it again. also since disabled individuals are such a minority people do not know what to do when they come in counter with me. it is not the

Last night on my way home from chapel i totally tripped and fell right on my face. Now let me tell you this is not a rare occurrence. I was happy last night that when i did fall i did not break skin and i had my wonderful friends there to help me get back up and keep going. My one friend and i have this joke that she will always catch me when i fall because the first night i met her was in Africa and i slipped down a hill in which she then caught me. and trust me i have tripped more times when i have been with her. story of my life. the reason why i trip so much is because of the way i walk. majority of people walk heel to toe. i however, walk toe to heel. therefore it is much easier for me shoe to get caught on a crack and there i go! i used to trip A LOT more when i was younger which thankfully due to improvement of therapies and getting myself stronger i only trip on occasion. even though i still get embarrassed and mad at myself for tripping i just have to accept it and move on.

This weekend i had a great conversation with one of my long time family friends. it was such a good reminder. i was talking about how i started this blog and what i write about and what kinds of things happen to me as a individual with a disability. her kids and i grew up together and she mentioned how her kids never questioned me for having a disability and how they always just loved me for who i was. it was not until later when they asked her what i had but when she told them they accepted that fact and moved on. nothing even changed when they knew. there were and sometimes are times where i think how do my friends see me and what do they think. this conversation this weekend led me to think about my past and current friendships. growing up i never thought i was different because my friends treated me like i was not. same as now. no matter where i go and what i am doing i feel like just an average person which i am so beyond blessed by. i have such open and trusting relationships t

Why do I even doubt God? Today was a very humbling moment for me. It was my first day going into a 5th grade classroom to teach a science lesson. We teach in groups so it was myself and 5 other girls. I was very nervous because of two things. First, this was my first time teaching in a regular classroom except for p.e. last year. I am used to a small special need class where i do not feel judged or different. Second, i am never sure what kids are going to think of me. last semester in the pe class many of the kids commented that i talk "weird" or "different. i have this nervousness in me that whenever i go to meet new kids they may say a rude comment. with that being said i was so nervous for today because i was doing the main lesson so i had to teach first. before going into the classroom, this morning i was praying that God would be with me and that everything would go smoothly and allow the kids to accept me with loving arms. let me tell you they sure did. there was

Through the past 3 years or so every once in a while i get a person who comes up to me and either wants to pray over me to heal me or gives me advice on how to heal myself. this is a very frustrating  situation. in all of the cases it is someone who does not truly know me or flat out random. i will explain the first time and the most recent time and then my overall thoughts the first time this happened i was walking on APU campus and this guy came up to me saying that he has seen me around and it looks like i need healing. he then prayed for me asking the Lord to heal me. i was not as strong in my faith or my disability at that time so i let him pray. when he ended the prayer he looked at me and watched me walk away thinking that i should be healed and 'normal'. i was very shaken up by it and just did not know what to think this last week i met with a yoga instructor for a one on one. she told me that i can heal myself through this and God gave us resources like using yo

God is working so much through this blog and conversations that i am just amazed. my prayer and hope for this blog is to make people more aware and not be afraid to have conversations about having a disability and it is so wonderful to see how it is moving. i wanted to write about 3 conversations that have occurred in the last few days. last week as i was driving my friend back to east campus she asked me about how hard it was to be able to get my license and want problems occurred. first i was so happy she asked this because people tend to be curious but are afraid to ask. i told her it was definitely a battle. when i first started the process people judged me a lot and didnt even give me a chance to prove that i could drive. i mean there was a time a person didnt even want me to take the written permit test. that was in high school and i felt that it wasnt the right time to learn how to drive and maybe i needed to grow in myself more. therefore i didnt start back up learning to dri

It is so interesting to me how great of conversations and insights i learned. First, i want to talk about my psych class. my professor wanted to know why we chose the profession we are in. i began to explain how i can connect with others who have a disability because obviously i have one. i was proud of myself for saying that because it showed me how much i have grown in my confidence of having a disability. a while ago i would not have mentioned my disability at all. i think it is because i have realized how important it is for me to mention so people understand i am not afraid to talk aout it and also those conversations need to happen. i talked in the beginning and maybe it was just me but i felt like more people were being more personal in their response. maybe because i was but it almost brought me to tears hearing how open people were. Second, my math teacher came up to me after class and asked me if bringing my computer to take notes would be better. i was super excited that s

The first day of school is always one that makes me anxious and nervous like most people. But i think i have different reasons. For me i wonder what the teachers reaction is going to be. there are so many times where i get different reactions. sometimes i have the best teachers who come up to me and ask me what they need to do to help me in the classroom. sometimes i have the teachers that think i am mentally handicapped. and some just do not know what to do and are afraid to say anything because they think they will hurt my feelings. what teachers do not realize is i would rather have  them come up to me and have a conversation to understand what exactly i have and what i need.  i will not be offended because by you coming up to me shows me that you care about my needs and want the best for me. in high school it was rare for a teacher to come up to me and ask me questions. i always had to send out an email to all of my teachers stating what my disability is and that i need to have a

Today was my last day working with special needs at Sunday school. It was such a God thing that I had the opportunity to work there. it gave me the reassurance of my passion to work with special needs and become a teacher. my heart hurts from having to say see you later to the workers and the kids. especially after a day like today. There is a boy with autism that i work with. he is non-verbal and takes a while to warm up to you. today i felt our bond become so strong. he listened to me when i told him it was snack time and he had to come sit by me at the table. we have been working with him to say please when giving us the snack so we can open it for him. today he said please both times to me. it brings tears to my eyes even thinking about it become it showed me how much God is assuring me that ii can do this profession. then throughout the course of the time he would listen to me and i could calm him down if he had a frustration. he would give me his amazing smile or hold my hand.

One thing that always brings tears to my eyes and makes my heart so happy is helping others who have disabilities and observing individuals helping the disabled. Last night i got an opportunity to go to this event called speedway. after the event we got to go backstage with the riders. as im waiting there to meet with one of them i look over to the next tent. there is a group of older down syndrome individuals that got to go on the bike and pose for pictures. you could see in their faces such joy and happiness. everyone around them was so happy to help and all had smiling faces. it was such a precious moment that takes you aback and realize to enjoy every single moment. also, there was a rider who was actually paralyzed. he competed in the races and excelled. one would not have guessed that he had any disability. that is also a moment where i felt so encouraged that their are other disabled individuals doing everyday things and defy the odds. i wish i could have gone up to him and than

One thing that a person with a disability has to deal with is the staring from people when you are in public places. No matter where I go I get someone that is staring at me from young children to older individuals. When I was younger I would get so irritated and sometimes cry. I think it is because I was raised and I viewed myself as someone who is normal. I always wondered why??  Don't parents raise their kids not to stare at other people. It just did not make sense to me. Also, I would always think are people crazy. Do they honestly not think that I don't see them staring. It is so obvious! However, as I have gotten older and learned many things this is my philosophy on why people stare. It has been brought to my attention in the last few years how little you see people who have disabilities. I mean think about it when you go to the grocery store or to a restaurant how often do you see an individual with a disability? People stare because they are curious . They stare beca

The reason I have decided to create this blog is to give individuals an insight of what it is like to have a disability. Over this last year I have had many people ask me if i have a blog because they would love to know more about my everyday life and what it is like to live with a disability in this world. I first want to give some information about my life. I have a disability called Cerebral Palsy. I was born with this disability at birth. For me, it is purely a physical disability. Yes, i walk differently and from the outside one can tell i have a disability. However, i am an independent living individual and can do mostly everything on my own. I started off walking with a walker and then in the first grade i got ankle braces and could walk on my own. i went to both physical and occupational therapy all my life. Through hard work and plenty of therapies it had led me to where i am now. I am in college studying to become a special needs teacher. i believe God has given each individ