Skip to main content

don't you want to be healed?

Through the past 3 years or so every once in a while i get a person who comes up to me and either wants to pray over me to heal me or gives me advice on how to heal myself. this is a very frustrating situation. in all of the cases it is someone who does not truly know me or flat out random. i will explain the first time and the most recent time and then my overall thoughts

the first time this happened i was walking on APU campus and this guy came up to me saying that he has seen me around and it looks like i need healing. he then prayed for me asking the Lord to heal me. i was not as strong in my faith or my disability at that time so i let him pray. when he ended the prayer he looked at me and watched me walk away thinking that i should be healed and 'normal'. i was very shaken up by it and just did not know what to think

this last week i met with a yoga instructor for a one on one. she told me that i can heal myself through this and God gave us resources like using yoga and nature to help heal ourselves. she also told me about an article where a girl who had cerebral palsy got healed. that is great but  i am not going to yoga to heal myself i am going to yoga to make myself stronger so i can do more things. 

now here is my feelings that i have worked through the past years to fully understand. God made me with this disability for a reason. He is using me for a purpose and provided me with a calling to inspire others that God can work in BIG ways even when you are not perfect. he called me to open eyes to others about those who are disabled and to be an advocate and voice for them. i think what irritates me the most is these people that come up to me are all random and do not know my situation. they do not know that i am comfortable in my disability. they do not know that i am at peace with my relationship with God and know that  he created me in His eyes and i can only trust in him for what is best in my life. they do not know that i have no idea what it is like to not have a disability and i am okay with that for that is what keeps me positive because i can look at my life on a daily basis and see that i am improving. don't get me wrong God is a great healer and i have total faith that He can heal anybody but for me that is not what he is telling me and i am okay with that.

 i think that people look at someone who is different and think that they hate their life. for me i am so beyond grateful for my life. having a disability allows me to see more things as blessings. just being able to walk without a walker or braces on my feet is an utter blessing. being able to go to college and defy so many odds that were against me is a blessing. i love God so much and he is using those moments to make me a stronger person and to trust in Him so much more. even though he has not healed me. he does mighty miracles for me everyday in which leave me speechless.

Comments

  1. AnonymousSeptember 23, 2013 at 12:51 AM

    this is an absolutely incredible blog. you are such an inspiration and a light of God, Nicole. Thank you :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What Does It Mean to Have CP?

You know this month is CP awareness month so I thought it would be fitting to write about what I feel everyday..So here we go When you wake up and get out of bed and think man my leg muscles are tight. When you walk into a store and you get the looks. The looks of curiosity, looks of wow that girl sure walks different, looks that make you feel like you just don't fit in. When you go to pay and you are struggling getting that money or credit card out and you start to blush because you know that cashier or the person behind you is thinking "that poor girl". When you are asked to repeat yourself 2-3 times because that person can't understand you and you just want to say never mind. When you have to buy new shoes more often than normal because you ruined the toe part of your shoe or you have a hole on the bottom due to walking toe-heel instead of heel-toe. When you have to use adaptive tools like a button hook. When you can't open a water bottle or you spill your dr...
Post a Comment
Read more

Words really do hurt

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me... Remember that saying? You would taunt it when you were a kid but as you get older you start to realize um wait a minute.. words do hurt me. This week was extremely challenging for me and I am still trying to pick myself up from it. You know with having a disability you have to develop a very thick skin because people can be mean and say mean things or do mean things by their actions. But still when you get that one person that targets one of your biggest insecurities you can't help but cry. I knew going into any profession I would get someone to tell me you can't do it you have a disability & that was and still is one of my biggest fears. So when it did happen this week I was crushed and I mean wrecked. Driving home from that day the Lord guided me because I was crying so hard that the car lights were blurry. I have worked so hard to get where I am today. I have pushed through multiple obstacles from ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Pregnancy & Birth

 Hi there! I know I do not blog on here on a regular basis anymore but my baby is napping and I wanted a place where I could remember the beauty of my pregnancy and birth. So here we go... June 20, 2023: I found out I was pregnant! Cue all the emotions (excited, nervous, scared) and the now what!  June-July 2023: I had just switched to my husband's insurance so I didn't have a doctor or anything. Luckily, with Kaiser I was able to get in pretty quickly. You see I wanted to be seen pretty quickly because I was on medication. I have been on medication since I was 15 for my spasticity/shakiness in my hands. Mind you I was 30 when I found out I was pregnant so I have been on this medication 3 times a day for half of my life 😲. I had no idea how my body would react to being off of it or even the process of getting off the medication. At first I was getting varying opinions about whether to stop cold turkey or to stay on it. Eventually, I spoke with my neurologist (who I wasn't ...
Post a Comment
Read more