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What Teaching is Really Like

I don't think anyone or anything can prepare you for your first year of teaching. So many people like to think teaching is such a sweet and fun career (which it is!!!) but they don't realize the amount of work that each teacher puts into their kids and their classroom. This is quite possibly the hardest thing I have ever done. I spend 10 hour days at my school and I feel like I am never satisfied because there is always more to be done. I go to trainings and sit there overwhelmed because I want to do all of the materials they give me but don't know how to implement it. So many things but not enough hours or energy to do it.

Some days I feel like a failure as a teacher because I always feel like I could be doing more. I look at other teachers and see all they are doing and how wonderful their classroom is and I just feel like I can never be as good as them. I'm not doing near as much amazing things as other teachers. My mind just races everyday with the things I should be doing instead of the things I am doing. I feel guilty because I feel like I am not giving my students the education they deserve. So then I go home and feel frustrated, overwhelmed, stressed, emotional, etc. Is that the way I should be feeling? No! Not at all. The truth is there is always room to improve and yes I can always be doing something else but I am working with my kiddos and they are making progress. Instead I should be thinking...

About how amazing of a school, staff, district, and kids the Lord has provided me with. The staff and mentors that I have gotten to know are such a blessing to me. They consistently support, encourage and love me. On the days I want to scream, they let me scream. On the days I want to cry, there is always a shoulder to lean on. On the days I want to celebrate there is someone there to celebrate with me. I don't think I have ever felt so many people believe in me and encourage me as I have with this school. I remember praying to the Lord when I found out I had an interview for this school. It was my 15th interview and I just remembered saying... Lord please let this be the one. Let the individuals have an open mindset to accepting me for who I am and not judge me for my disability. Let this be the place where I can feel comfortable to go to everyday. Well, the Lord sure did deliver on what I asked.

The Lord placed me at this school and with these kiddos for a reason. Sometimes I do question His reasoning but like a friend told me a few days ago. I am the hands and feet of Jesus to these kiddos. I need to push aside my feelings and remember that these kiddos trust me and I need to love them each day just like the Lord loves us each day amongst all of our ugliness. The Lord is consistently telling me to have patience and look at tiny positive among a day that you want to flush down the drain.

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