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Grief is a HARD thing

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard"

As a 23 year old I am beyond blessed that I have had my all 5 of my grandparents alive and no other person close to me has passed away. At the same time, here I am a 23 year old that has had my first grandparent pass away and it has rocked my world. When someone close to you is in the process of passing away time seems to stop. All day all you think about is the memories you shared with that person and how they made you feel and how you sure are going to miss that person. When my grandpa was days from passing away all I could think about is how I am going to miss those hugs where he would squeeze you so tight you thought you were going to suffocate but while he hugged you he would whisper how much he loved you. Then when my grandpa did pass away all I could think about is how I would never get one of those hugs again. I would never see his face again or get to say "hi grandpa!" and he would respond "hey Nick" with a big smile. That is when you realize how truly heartbreaking a death can be. Where getting through a day without crying is an accomplishment. Where you lean on the Lord to give you strength for the day. The simple act of how are you becomes a cry filled answer of I'm dealing with a piece of my heart broken off.

Yes, when someone passes away it is the saddest thing but then I think of the beauty it brings. It brings you closer to your loved ones. I knew at the end of my work day I could come home and cry with my family and they would cry with me. I had my friends supporting me and sending me texts about what they could do or that they knew how I felt. It makes you realize how blessed you are and that this time on earth is so limited and to never take advantage of every day you are given. It also makes you realize that it is okay to cry for it is because that person made an impact on your life and it is okay to be broken in this world that makes it shameful to go about tired and upset. 

I sure will miss you grandpa and I hope you are dancing up there in heaven and having the best time. 

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