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From Shy Girl to Loud and Carefree

Do you ever have days, a week, or weeks where you notice the same thing popping up. Over the past two weeks I have been in conversations with 3 different sets of people and the same topic has popped up. What is this topic you may ask? It's the fact that this person typing this blog right now is so different from the girl back in high school or the girl from 4 years ago. You see the first person I had this conversation with I have known for 6 months, the next was my best friend I met in college, and the third was a group of girls I have known for two years. The two that have known me the shortest amount of time were shocked when I described myself from a while ago and the one from college completely agreed with me.

You see when I think about my high school self and college self I see a shy girl that didn't want to look anyone in the eye for fear that they would see  my disability and immediately not like me. Or fear that if I look them in the eye then they will want to ask questions about my disability and make me feel like an outcast. I appeared to be sweet and happy but on the inside I was screaming to be let out and for others to truly find me. I let my close family and friends find that person inside me but the person that you just met in conversation and pacing by would say hi and look down and be even more shaky than I already am (ha! imagine that). Isn't it funny how there are moments where you realize wow what a change.

Live the life you have always dreamed of
So here I am describing this shy little girl and now looking at how I am now. I am a loud, carefree you get what you get kind of girl filled with joy and embracing my lovely disability. You may ask when did this girl get let out of her cage? I cannot tell you the exact time but it was more of peeling back layer by layer. You see I gained more confidence after college when I got my first job and then by going on trips traveling abroad and then by moving out on my own. The more I began to break out of my comfort zone and start living for myself and for the purpose the Lord had for me the more I began realizing I need to not care what others think and I need to love who I am. 

There are haters out there and they sure are going to hate but I am going to love because if you don't love then you are going to hate. I hated my body and this ugly disability that I have but now I love this disability because it has allowed me to connect with people I never would have. I love this disability because it reminds others that we are all broken but you can learn to love your brokenness. I have learned that the people who love your brokenness are the kinds of people you need in your life. Those people who want to take advantage of your brokenness...well you can smile at them and walk away.. Because let me tell you my friend. YOU are beautiful. YOU are amazing. YOU can move mountains. & YOU should be confident in your brokenness...Oh and there are a group of people out there who are going to LOVE you for ALL that you are. 

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