Joy In The Midst of Struggles

Due to some circumstances i have encountered in this semester i have realized how important it is to stand up for your rights. it has been a struggle for me to decide whether to say something or not but throughout these situations i have realized it is extremely important to stand up. if you dont do it then who else will. majority of the time people do not stand up so if you dont then nothing can be changed or be accomplished. we live in a society where disabled individuals get stepped on and their voice is not heard. the Lord has put it on my heart to be one to stand up so that it can also benefit others. the things i have learned through this process is how when i do stand up for something that was not right the individual learns through their mistake and is actually grateful i did say something so they then know what to change and will not do it again. also since disabled individuals are such a minority people do not know what to do when they come in counter with me. it is not the...

Last night on my way home from chapel i totally tripped and fell right on my face. Now let me tell you this is not a rare occurrence. I was happy last night that when i did fall i did not break skin and i had my wonderful friends there to help me get back up and keep going. My one friend and i have this joke that she will always catch me when i fall because the first night i met her was in Africa and i slipped down a hill in which she then caught me. and trust me i have tripped more times when i have been with her. story of my life. the reason why i trip so much is because of the way i walk. majority of people walk heel to toe. i however, walk toe to heel. therefore it is much easier for me shoe to get caught on a crack and there i go! i used to trip A LOT more when i was younger which thankfully due to improvement of therapies and getting myself stronger i only trip on occasion. even though i still get embarrassed and mad at myself for tripping i just have to accept it and move on. ...

This weekend i had a great conversation with one of my long time family friends. it was such a good reminder. i was talking about how i started this blog and what i write about and what kinds of things happen to me as a individual with a disability. her kids and i grew up together and she mentioned how her kids never questioned me for having a disability and how they always just loved me for who i was. it was not until later when they asked her what i had but when she told them they accepted that fact and moved on. nothing even changed when they knew. there were and sometimes are times where i think how do my friends see me and what do they think. this conversation this weekend led me to think about my past and current friendships. growing up i never thought i was different because my friends treated me like i was not. same as now. no matter where i go and what i am doing i feel like just an average person which i am so beyond blessed by. i have such open and trusting relationships t...

Why do I even doubt God? Today was a very humbling moment for me. It was my first day going into a 5th grade classroom to teach a science lesson. We teach in groups so it was myself and 5 other girls. I was very nervous because of two things. First, this was my first time teaching in a regular classroom except for p.e. last year. I am used to a small special need class where i do not feel judged or different. Second, i am never sure what kids are going to think of me. last semester in the pe class many of the kids commented that i talk "weird" or "different. i have this nervousness in me that whenever i go to meet new kids they may say a rude comment. with that being said i was so nervous for today because i was doing the main lesson so i had to teach first. before going into the classroom, this morning i was praying that God would be with me and that everything would go smoothly and allow the kids to accept me with loving arms. let me tell you they sure did. there was...

Through the past 3 years or so every once in a while i get a person who comes up to me and either wants to pray over me to heal me or gives me advice on how to heal myself. this is a very frustrating  situation. in all of the cases it is someone who does not truly know me or flat out random. i will explain the first time and the most recent time and then my overall thoughts the first time this happened i was walking on APU campus and this guy came up to me saying that he has seen me around and it looks like i need healing. he then prayed for me asking the Lord to heal me. i was not as strong in my faith or my disability at that time so i let him pray. when he ended the prayer he looked at me and watched me walk away thinking that i should be healed and 'normal'. i was very shaken up by it and just did not know what to think this last week i met with a yoga instructor for a one on one. she told me that i can heal myself through this and God gave us resources like using yo...

God is working so much through this blog and conversations that i am just amazed. my prayer and hope for this blog is to make people more aware and not be afraid to have conversations about having a disability and it is so wonderful to see how it is moving. i wanted to write about 3 conversations that have occurred in the last few days. last week as i was driving my friend back to east campus she asked me about how hard it was to be able to get my license and want problems occurred. first i was so happy she asked this because people tend to be curious but are afraid to ask. i told her it was definitely a battle. when i first started the process people judged me a lot and didnt even give me a chance to prove that i could drive. i mean there was a time a person didnt even want me to take the written permit test. that was in high school and i felt that it wasnt the right time to learn how to drive and maybe i needed to grow in myself more. therefore i didnt start back up learning to dri...

It is so interesting to me how great of conversations and insights i learned. First, i want to talk about my psych class. my professor wanted to know why we chose the profession we are in. i began to explain how i can connect with others who have a disability because obviously i have one. i was proud of myself for saying that because it showed me how much i have grown in my confidence of having a disability. a while ago i would not have mentioned my disability at all. i think it is because i have realized how important it is for me to mention so people understand i am not afraid to talk aout it and also those conversations need to happen. i talked in the beginning and maybe it was just me but i felt like more people were being more personal in their response. maybe because i was but it almost brought me to tears hearing how open people were. Second, my math teacher came up to me after class and asked me if bringing my computer to take notes would be better. i was super excited that s...