Dear fingers

Dear fingers,

Let me tell you sometimes you frustrate me. You are bony, flexible. You have a mind of your own. You love to wiggle and move when I just want you to be still. My nail lady tries to paint your nails and you just love to tease her by moving all around. Monika tries to get a picture of you and you, pinky, decide to stick up  in the air. 

I try to grab something and you just decide to tense up and not want to grasp the object. I can't hold a pencil properly, I can't type with the correct hand formation, I can't hold a drink without being nervous your going to spazz out and spill the drink, I can't get the card out of the slot in my wallet fast enough or sometimes at all. 

BUT as much as I love to hate you. You are MINE. You are evidence of a CP warrior. You, my dear fingers, are unique. You remind me of a beautiful story that I have gone through. 

This posting is inspired by my beautiful friend Monika who is pursuing photography and is doing a series on medical conditions. I wanted to highlight one of my biggest insecurities which are my fingers because they are so different. These braces on my fingers are to help prevent arthritis and to help my muscles to not spazz out and bend backwards. These fingers have gone through a lot of therapy and do not function well but they do allow me to do every day things for the most part. I take medication to help with the shakiness and tenseness of my muscles. They frustrate me because they are so obviously different. They don't look normal at all even when resting which is hard. I am still learning to embrace them but they are mine and they remind me that yes I have a physical disability and yes I do things differently but I do them in my own unique way