Skip to main content

"I'm lucky because my scars are on the outside"

"I'm lucky because my scars are on the outside"

Um wait. Hold up. What did you just say? Today I came across this show called "First Dates" (yeah reality tv. the weirdest but interesting show). There was a guy who suffered from 3rd degree burns and so he had scars all on the front part of his body including parts of his face. He was very vulnerable and open with the girl he was on the blind date with. He then goes yeah I guess I'm lucky because my scars are on the outside and majority of people have their deepest scars/insecurities on the inside.

Um cue the lightbulb.

I just began thinking well that is true in my world as well. My deepest insecurity is on the outside. Everyone can see that I am different than the "normal". Yeah you may not know what it is like to live with a disability but you certainly do know I suffer from something. But the part that truly hit me is he said he was lucky for that.

Do I consider myself lucky for having CP?

I don't think I do. Yeah I am a very open person in regards to talking about my disability but I don't think I would say I'm lucky because to be honest it is a whole lot easier to hide your scars on the inside and only let a few people in to know about them. I don't know if this is because lately I've been really hating this Cerebral Palsy thing of mine and I'm not gonna lie lately I've been frustrated with how tight my legs muscles are from all the walking I've been doing. I've been frustrated with my hands for being tense and not able to grab things easily. & Let's be real I would love to just see what it is like to be a normal person without this CP.

I do want to say thank you to this random show I came across and that guy who said that line because I know I am going to sit on that quote for a while and try to grapple with how I feel about it. But for now my feelings are all over the place and it's like opening up a can of worms.

I would love to know your thoughts on this quote!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What Does It Mean to Have CP?

You know this month is CP awareness month so I thought it would be fitting to write about what I feel everyday..So here we go When you wake up and get out of bed and think man my leg muscles are tight. When you walk into a store and you get the looks. The looks of curiosity, looks of wow that girl sure walks different, looks that make you feel like you just don't fit in. When you go to pay and you are struggling getting that money or credit card out and you start to blush because you know that cashier or the person behind you is thinking "that poor girl". When you are asked to repeat yourself 2-3 times because that person can't understand you and you just want to say never mind. When you have to buy new shoes more often than normal because you ruined the toe part of your shoe or you have a hole on the bottom due to walking toe-heel instead of heel-toe. When you have to use adaptive tools like a button hook. When you can't open a water bottle or you spill your dr...
Post a Comment
Read more

Struggle is Real with Adult CP

 Here is something that frustrates me about the state of California. Basically since I was diagnosed with CP I went to CCS (California Children Services). They provide free occupational and physical therapy until your 21. This is so awesome and I would go twice a week until high school where I would do more check ins because I was becoming more independent and doing so well I did not need it as much. Now I know what your thinking...um Nicole why are you frustrated with this? Well did you noticed I bolded until your 21? This is the issue. Once you turn 21 they are like bye bye good luck with the rest of your life. It has been difficult because you get dropped off and on your own without any recommendations of where to go next in life.  Most of you know that hot yoga has been a life saver for me and has basically become my physical therapy and it has been great until...covid. Due to the shutdown it also caused a shut down of my body because my physical therapy (aka yoga) was tak...
2 comments
Read more

So What Did You Do In Kenya?

Jambo!! I am made it back from a life changing trip in Kenya! I will be posting a few blog posts about stories that happened there but first I wanted to give you all an overview/timeline of what I did everyday over there July 7 - We landed at 2 in the morning! As we are all waiting to get our luggage we notice that no new luggage is coming out. Hmmmm what is wrong?? Yeah well all 90  of us lost  our luggage. Our flight out of LAX was delayed which made us have to rush to our next plane in Turkey. The airport personnel decided they did not have time to transfer our luggage to the next plan which ended up for us not getting our luggage. We got like an hour of sleep and then we had to wake up and start our day. We went to pangani which is the main school we worked at. We were greeted and had an opening ceremony from all of the kids. Then we got to take a social worker and walk around the Mathare Valley. We were able to go into one of the shanty's and pray over a sick girl ...
Post a Comment
Read more